Forgetting What Color the Sky WasThe fog descends.Forgetting What Color the Sky Was by belavrana
The fog ascends.
I try to explain the forest again.
It isn't just trees.
It was never just trees.
So it goes
It comes and goes.
Remember the name of the forest.
But I still don't know what it means.
Trying to recall the details
Of every dream I have ever had.
Forgetting what color the sky was.
See the grass, the soil it grows from.
Sometimes I just stop and stare into the ground.
Stare into space,
Stare at the clouds.
The clouds become everything.
The clouds disappear.
And then sometimes,
Sometimes the sky forgets.
Or maybe it was just me.
Forgetting who I was, and thinking I am the sky.
No, that wasn't it.
That never happened.
But I did fall asleep.
I slept on it.
I woke up,
And nothing much had happened.
But not unusual.
The More Things Change, the More I Write the SameBecause I said some stuff that sounded really good once...The More Things Change, the More I Write the Same by belavrana
Or, you know, several times-
That's nice, but,
If I can't do it all the time,
I just am useless, right?
Must be consistent.
Must be consistent.
Must be consistent.
If you don't have reliability, predictability, then who can depend on you?
Yeah, yeah, I know it's nice to be able to count on things.
If today is Friday, tomorrow is Saturday, not Monday.
If this year is 2015, next year is 2016, not 1859, or 2264.
The Earth is in orbit around the Sun, not vice-versa.
(Though people did once think it the reverse. But I digress.)
But I digress!
There I go again!
No, no, can't count on me, can you?
But can you ever truly count on anyone?
Or anything, beyond certain basics?
Or is it more just that you want to think you can take it for granted,
That the store you love shopping at will still be open five years from now?
That your best friend will always be your best friend?
That your world will not be
Hello BirdsHello, birds.Hello Birds by belavrana
How do you like the snow?
I am a bit tired of it myself.
At least it went away for a short while.
I hope it truly looks like spring after this.
But you know,
Every year has a winter.
And a spring.
And a summer.
And an autumn.
The specifics vary a little.
Some years are better, some are worse.
Do you realize 1975 was forty years ago?
I know, something, isn't it?
Don't know what it is, but surely it's something.
No, got to have spring first.
And when it is summer, I'll say it's too hot anyway.
Am I right, birdies?
Have a nice day.
Carry on being birds.
It isHow do people know if they are fearless,It is by belavrana
Or if they just don't know that they should fear?
Is it a lack of order?
What would the faeries say?
Snowing at the end of March,
I guess it could be worse.
Mist and fog can cloud your mind.
Is this still verse?
"It is what it is".
People say that.
And you know what?
I was a relatively happy child.
Certainly very happy for one who never fit in well with others.
I only needed one or two friends.
It wasn't until my teen years that I was ever miserable.
And even then, I was not truly depressed. Not in a clinical sense.
College had new stresses, but also good, better things.
It was the years after 30 that started to really suck.
This is what I think of when I hear someone still saying "It gets better".
Can you tell me when?
I'm probably older than you, and even with perspective that allows me to not cry and scream about things like I did at 20, I do NOT feel better.
Calmer in itself is not better.
What am I even saying?
This isn't what "It gets better" is about, I know. But I'm just saying, I may have improved, but the general public is still the general public. Life is still life. Things still cost money, and it still doesn't grow on trees. But that whole message of "It gets better" somehow seems to imply that you are not the only thing that will change in such a way- that external circumstances will improve, too.
Which is bullshit.
Things will change.
But whether for better or worse, you cannot guarantee.
My life is different than 10 or 20 years ago.
Is it better?
That is very hard to say. Better in some ways, worse in others.
|I am an ancient being who graduated with a BFA back in the 1990's. I love my cats. I'm an old-school Goth but also like a good laugh.|